peskypippi.comBecause I have a lot to say…

Who knew that my first open-mouthed kiss would be as a Freshman in high school, with a lanky boy with braces, who had just eaten peanut butter?

It all began when I was a Freshman in high school. Dating an older boy. It was raining. I remember the smell of his wet shoes. Big shoes with dirty laces. We started up a game of Monopoly at his house. Led Zeppelin was playing in the background.

Where were his parents? Who knows. We were latch-key kids. What had I told my mother about my whereabouts? Some lie.

What I was prepared for, was to win at Monopoly. My strategy is always to buy all of the oranges and reds and yellows–maybe even all of the railroads–and take over the game. What I wasn’t prepared for was that first real kiss.

Wet mouth. Slobber. Braces. Peanut butter.

It wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t quite what I had hoped for.

I had been imagining that kiss for years. Even practiced on my arm. And in the mirror.

I had hoped for minty breath. Or cinnamon breath. I was gum-chewer (still am), always paranoid that my breath is “kissing ready.” I was picturing, in my romantic mind, that the kiss would go like this:

But the reality was more like smashing faces. Hitting teeth. And chin slobber. I was partly to blame. I was new at this. He was two years older.

What I couldn’t get over was that peanut butter smell. And the smell of rain-soaked shoes and clothes. They say smells bring you back to a memory.

Whenever I get a whiff of that peanut-butter-and-dank-shoes smell, I will forever remember my first make-out session as a blossoming teen.

What was your first real kiss like?

Valentine’s Day is upon us. For that romantic evening ahead, how about suggesting an extra-special movie so your guy will be feeling the LOVE. Here’s Pippi’s list of top 13 guy movies:

1. Scarface
2. Terminator
3. The Godfather
4. Shawn of the Dead
5. Pulp Fiction
6. The Dirty Dozen
7. Good Fellas
8. The Matrix
9. Gladiator
10. Reservoir Dogs
11. Fight Club
12. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
13. Die Hard

If you suggest one of these movies TONIGHT, chances are your box of chocolates TOMORROW will be ginormous.

We are days away from Valentine’s Day. Do you have Valentine’s Day expectations?

Jewelry stores tell us we need diamonds. Florists tell us we need oversized bouquets. Grocery stores tell us we need heart balloons. Chocolate shops tell us we need heart-shaped boxes with chocolates. Lingerie shops tell us we need red bustiers and up-your-crack thongs. Drugstores tell us we need stuffed gorillas with hearts that say “Wild Thing.”

Do we need any of this crap on February 14? Yeah, we do. If our significant others come home Valentine’s Day night with nothing, we be pissed.

We need something.

• I don’t need diamonds; I prefer costume jewelry.
• I don’t need oversized bouquets; I like carnations just fine.
• I don’t need balloons; my kids will fight over them.
• I do need chocolate; but I buy my own and hide it.
• I don’t need red lingerie; I prefer jammy pants and t-shirts (sexy, I know).
• And I certainly don’t need a stuffed gorilla for my husband to proclaim his love for me.

If my husband comes home Valentine’s Day night with some carnations and several boxes full of Thai take-out dinner for our family, that’s the “something” I would love on Valentine’s Day. Pad Thai anyone?