10 Things NOT to Buy Your Guy

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Advice, Christmas, Humor, Ideas, Men | Posted on 07-12-2012

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The gift giving season is upon us. Here are 10 things retailers make you think your man wants.

However.

If I gifted any of the below to my guy, he might just punch me in the nose.

Ya might want to think twice before purchasing any of these things:

  1. Cologne
  2. Tie
  3. Robe
  4. Electric shaver
  5. Wallet
  6. Pajamas
  7. Nose and ear hair trimmer
  8. Christmas sweater
  9. Anything monogrammed
  10. Tire gauge*

*Thank you @Keeferdog for the brainstorming!

Pippi’s Top 13 Guy Movies

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Love, Men, Movies, Pop Culture, Relationships, Valentine's Day, Women | Posted on 13-02-2012

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Valentine’s Day is upon us. For that romantic evening ahead, how about suggesting an extra-special movie so your guy will be feeling the LOVE. Here’s Pippi’s list of top 13 guy movies:

  1. Scarface
  2. Terminator
  3. The Godfather
  4. Shawn of the Dead
  5. Pulp Fiction
  6. The Dirty Dozen
  7. Good Fellas
  8. The Matrix
  9. Gladiator
  10. Reservoir Dogs
  11. Fight Club
  12. Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
  13. Die Hard

If you suggest one of these movies TONIGHT, chances are your box of chocolates TOMORROW will be ginormous.

Got Valentine’s Day Expectations?

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Celebrations, Holidays, Love, Romance, Valentine's Day | Posted on 09-02-2012

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We are days away from Valentine’s Day. Do you have Valentine’s Day expectations?

Jewelry stores tell us we need diamonds. Florists tell us we need oversized bouquets. Grocery stores tell us we need heart balloons. Chocolate shops tell us we need heart-shaped boxes with chocolates. Lingerie shops tell us we need red bustiers and up-your-crack thongs. Drugstores tell us we need stuffed gorillas with hearts that say “Wild Thing.”

Do we need any of this crap on February 14? Yeah, we do. If our significant others come home Valentine’s Day night with nothing, we be pissed.

We need something.

  • I don’t need diamonds; I prefer costume jewelry.
  • I don’t need oversized bouquets; I like carnations just fine.
  • I don’t need balloons; my kids will fight over them.
  • I do need chocolate; but I buy my own and hide it.
  • I don’t need red lingerie; I prefer jammy pants and t-shirts (sexy, I know).
  • And I certainly don’t need a stuffed gorilla for my husband to proclaim his love for me.

If my husband comes home Valentine’s Day night with some carnations and several boxes full of Thai take-out dinner for our family, that’s the “something” I would love on Valentine’s Day. Pad Thai anyone?

Jackass = Research for Mothers of Boys

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Attitude, Childrearing, Children, Humor, Mothering | Posted on 30-12-2011

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Jackass movies are hi-freaking-larious

And totally inappropriate. Their inappropriateness is what make them the perfect research for mothers of boys and wives of men.

What is it about the Jackass guys? They are fearless. They are funny. They are self-humiliating. They are physical. They are perennially naked. They don’t give a crap.

They are the ultimate boy men.

Watching makes me cackle, gasp, and gag. All at once.

I mean, who skates down a a hill with belt sander skates? Who does the limbo with an electric-shock bar? Who drives a runaway scooter, disguised as an old man, through city streets? Who dresses his penis in a mouse puppet costume?

Who sits on the toilet on display at the hardware store and takes a poop while reading the newspaper? Visiting the toilet display at Lowes or Home Depot will never be the same.

Oh and the guy strapped inside a porta-potty that is sling-shotted? That is probably the grossest thing I have ever witnessed. You gag and kinda throw up in your mouth. And then you kinda never want to visit a porta-potty again.

Most Kids’ CDs Gag Me: These Don’t

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Brands, Childrearing, Connections, Family, Life Lessons, Music | Posted on 06-11-2011

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If I am driving in traffic. Or shuttling my kids. And they are already bickering in the back seat. The last thing I want is to hear Barney singing.

I know that Barney delivers a positive message. He is kind and loving and teaches kids to share. But I am actually a Barney hater.

But here are four children’s CDs I love to play in the car with the kids. Over and over.

  • Free to Be You and Me is a classic. I loved it as a child, growing up in feminism-power times, and still love it. My kids and I love to sing this song in particular, at the top of our lungs: “Parents Are People.” The messages are still powerful: be yourself, gender equality, and breaking through stereotypes. Although some of the lyrics are a little dated about job equality because today, women are Secretary of State and men work at the MAC make-up counter. Talk about role reversal. :-)
  • Really Rosie is another classic from my childhood. Even though it was a vinyl record then. (Nostalgia, right?) The song we love love love to sing loudly is “Alligators All Around.” It’s snappy and it teaches the alphabet. I still clearly remember that  “H” is for “Having Headaches.” Maybe from listening to this song so many times. Play it. Over and over. And trust me, your young children will learn their letters and get an intro to phonics.
  • Picnic Playground is by Putumayo and has upbeat songs in different languages. It exposes children to global traditions. And maybe your kids will pick up a few new words in other languages. I like the “Arroz con Pollo” song. Who doesn’t like chicken and rice for dinner? And the South African song “Beautiful Day” is simply beautiful and happy.
  • Animal Playground, another CD in the global children’s collection by Putumayo. Every song is a winner. From “The Littlest Birds” to “Don’t Ever Step on a Snake.” And my favorite one that always gets a little tear from me is “Eagles.” About how Mothers need to let their children fly (roots and wings).

But until my children are ready to leave the nest, we will sing these songs at the top of our lungs as we fly down the freeway, late for something.

One word for ya, Demi Moore: EAT

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Beauty, Body Image/Dieting, Headlines, Health, Hollywood, Personal Care | Posted on 04-11-2011

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Oh, Demi Moore. I liked you with chubbier cheeks. You are now a skeleton and did you know that Halloween is over?

Here’s one word for ya: EAT.

The media targets women with headlines that scream “she’s too fat,” with Kirstie Alley and Jessica Simpson getting the majority of these grocery store-line headlines. Kirstie has been the butt of a lot of jokes; as in check-out-her-big-butt. And while I secretly utter a mean little “ha ha,” I actually feel bad for these women. They are getting singled out for their size. Yo-yo dieting sucks. Thickening around the middle sucks. And to have your cellulite photographed in the most unflattering way? Or to have yourself photographed shoveling down Costco cake? I imagine that that also sucks. (More on Costco cake soon. I have an addiction.)

But the media also hits with the “wasting away: too skinny” headlines. I even saw one about “pin-thin Kate Middleton.” Pin-thin? I have never been described as a pin, nor would ever want to. These too-skinny Hollywood actresses have made this list in recent months: Katie Holmes, Kate Bosworth, LeAnn Rimes, Kate Middleton (OK, not from Hollywood, but she steals headlines), Nicole Richie.

Seems to me–or it is my experience anyway–that men do not want non-eating skeletons as girlfriends or wives. That most men prefer a partner who can partake in a heaping pile of nachos and throw back some beers. Instead of “no thanks, I’m on the cotton ball diet.” Have you heard of that one? Scary. See here for crazy-ass fad diets. But please don’t try them at home.

In Hollywood, as a woman, you’re screwed if you’re too fat. Or if you’re too skinny.

Women and mothers: Don’t wither away. Nourish yourselves. Eat.

My kids–who have a pretty good sense of healthy eating and exercise, but who also have been exposed to ideal body image in our American culture–say that I’m just right. And that’s OK for me.

Nachos and beer anyone?

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