I have got to clean out my closet. Today. I am not a hoarder (and oh, by the way, the A&E show Hoarders scares the freaking crap out of me).
Yikes refers to my taste in clothes. When I take a peek in my closet, I see I have made some poor purchasing decisions.
I have heard that you should keep the clothes you really love and the others: give away to charity. Looking through my closet, there’s not really much to love. I am feeling very generous today.
- What was I thinking when I purchased my tacky-ass-print-stretchy top with the capped sleeves? Did I think that the print would help camouflage some of the heft in the mid-section? Yes. Did I think capped sleeves are truly flattering? Yes. Wrong on both.
- What about Capri pants, cropped mid-calf? Fashion guides tell us that Capri pants are not flattering because they visually crop your leg, making your legs look stumpy. We need to elongate our legs; so next Spring, boycott those Capri pants that are on sale everywhere!
- How about the baby doll tops that I have purchased? So ugly, definitely not fit for a baby.
- Shoes? I’m good at buying shoes. They are not my problem. I own about 14 pairs. And most of them are sneakers. Oh and two pairs of boots.
It’s the outfits. I struggle with matching tops to bottoms.
Running late for work, what to wear? Quick, grab low-waisted, hip slacks and a button-down shirt. A working woman’s go-to uniform. Craptastic: the buttons are gaping open. Lately, I’ve started buying all grey clothing for work. Grey goes with black goes with white goes with navy. It’s like Garanimals.
And, then there the: how long should I save my clothes—you know, the ones that I-need-to-lose-10-lbs.-in-order-to-fit-in-these-clothes clothes? I save those. But if I need to lose more than 10 lbs., which I do, well, those clothes could be sitting around awhile. So off to Goodwill they will go. If I lose 20 lbs., I’m goin’ shopping!
Recycling. Just hoping there’s a woman out there who has worse taste than me. Because if there is, today is her lucky day.