peskypippi.comBecause I have a lot to say…

Andy Warhol once said “I think everybody should like everybody.”

Yeah…that’s not possible.

So I edited it.

“I think everybody should like everybody on Christmas.”

-Pippi

Merry Christmas!

The gift giving season is upon us. Here are 10 things retailers make you think your man wants.

However.

If I gifted any of the below to my guy, he might just punch me in the nose.

Ya might want to think twice before purchasing any of these things:

1. Cologne
2. Tie
3. Robe
4. Electric shaver
5. Wallet
6. Pajamas
7. Nose and ear hair trimmer
8. Christmas sweater
9. Anything monogrammed
10. Tire gauge*

*Thank you @Keeferdog for the brainstorming!

On our annual trek to the local tree farm, we sought out the best–and biggest–tree we could find that could fit on top of my Subaru.

The kids spotted “the tree.” Fifteen feet tall. And nearly 15 feet wide.

Kinda like The Griswold family tree. Where the top is so tall, it bends into the ceiling. Where the branches bust through a window.

Bungeed down on the top of my car, we were set. With that warm fuzzy Christmas feeling tingling in our toes.

As we drove off, we kept watch on “the tree.” Bouncing along, flop, flop, flop…and then slide, slide, slide…and then…

QUICK! PULL OVER, PIPPI! THE TREE IS SLIPPING OFF!

Folks. Consider this foreshadowing.

Whew. After the tree was rebungeed and anchored down, I proceeded to drive 35 m.p.h. all the way home. On the freeway.

Precious cargo.

Fast-forward to the top-heavy tree screwed into the teeny tiny metal tree stand. Standing tall Leaning in our home.

Yeah that.

Now, picture “the tree” attached with rope to our stairs. Ah, Christmas memories.

If only “the tree” would stop drinking so much water. It’s getting heavier by the day.

Yeah. That’s “the tree” right behind “the kids.”

Regardless if you get an ugly sweater or a fruitcake, may you…

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas!

Please send me a pic of you in your new sweater so I can have a little chuckle. But I’ll pass on the fruitcake, thankyouverymuch.

XO,

Pippi

We have family, local, global, and even extra-terrestrial holiday celebrations in our American home.

• Aliens and Legos visiting our Nativity scene? All are welcome.
• Hannukah Harry? We love him.
• Tree ornaments from Mexico and India? Passport not required.
• Mr. Hanky? He is a sure-fire hit in our home. We cackle with laughter over this Christmas poo.
• American classic movies: Christmas Vacation? Elf? A Christmas Story? Check. Check. Check.
• Mexican wedding cookies? Yep, I make ‘em.
• Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker? Going.
• Visiting Santa Claus at the mall? On our list.
• Mormon Tabernacle Choir TV special? Celtic Christmas TV special? Two of my favorites.
• Paper dreidels brought home from school? Game on.
• Gingerbread house toppling over with too many gumdrops? Every year.
• Winter solstice? We celebrate that too.
• Advent calendar counting down the days of Christmas? It’s 11 days until Christmas, y’all.

In a previous post I wrote about Why Can’t We All Get Along (for the Holidays). It’s your choice. Mix it up. Or not.

We choose to mix it up and the result is a fun-filled, chock-full celebratory December quilt.

I am morphing into an 80-year-old man. Five indications why:

1. I love Scrabble.
2. I can fall asleep sitting upright in my chair. “Just resting my eyes.”
3. I look for typos in newspaper articles and signs.
4. I love Butter Brickle ice cream.
5. I unplug the Christmas tree lights when I leave the house, for fear of setting the house on fire.

Just don’t pass the Metamucil. Not quite ready for that.

You’d think I was raised in the Great Depression by looking at the contents of my stocking hung at the mantle  at Christmas. All I got in my stocking were oranges and whole walnuts.

Someone must’ve known I needed Vitamin C and heart-health Omega-3 fatty acids back then.

Maybe it was to counter all the sweets I enjoyed at Christmastime:

1. Divinity–the gooey white marshmallow-like candy
2. Peanut brittle
3. Cracking walnuts with a real nutcrackers and picks–ya really appreciate the nut when it takes like 5 minutes to eat just one.
4. Ribbon candy–remember the gorgeous colors? And when your aunt said to take “just one,” you actually took like 7 because they all stuck together?

Enjoy the simple things this Holidays. And take time to crack some nuts…or crack your tooth on a piece of ribbon candy.

December is a celebratory month. Let’s see…there’s Festivus, Kwanzaa, Santa Claus, Hanukkah, Winter Solstice…

And, oh yeah, Christmas. Whatever your “reason for the season” is, may it be jolly.

In our home, we have a Nativity scene and bake a cake and sing happy birthday to Jesus on December 25. The kids bring home paper dreidels they have made in school and we sing the Barenaked Ladies Hunukkah Oh Hanukkah at the top of our lungs. A giant plastic Frosty from Sears welcomes guests on our porch. The kids learn about Kwanzaa in school and ask if we can light those special candles. A 15-foot Christmas tree stands proudly in the middle of our home, decorated from head-to-toe with ornaments we have collected–and the kids have made–over the years. And we surely welcome Santa Claus with cookies and milk, come midnight Christmas Eve. Oh and I’m a sucker for my annual watching of Rick Steves’s holidays-and-customs-around-the-world special.

If you choose to combine Holidays and beliefs. Why not? That’s OK in my book.

I mean, can’t we all just get along?

There are five full weekends between now and Christmas. Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Do I want to spend those precious weekends stuffed in a stuffy, crowded store shopping (and sometimes shopping for people I don’t much care for)?
2. Is my “SHOULD do” list bigger than my “WANT to do” list?
3. Do I want to “survive” the Holidays? Or do I want to enjoy the season? (The season of sharing, joy, wonder, love, and cheer. Too gaggy? Sorry, but it’s one of my favorite times of the year. So SU (shut up).

I say Bah Humbug to those who say, “I’m just trying to survive Christmas.” Whoa. Drama Queen. Seriously? Get a grip. Seriously, there are people out there literally trying to survive. Open your eyes, don’t be so selfish, and tone down the drama.

Don’t be a victim! And don’t try to be an overachiever. This is from one overachiever to another. This is not the time for you to master a “SHOULD do” list.

Here are my six tips for how to simplify the Holiday season:

• Ditch the Holiday cards this year. Facebook or email a picture of you in your Santa hat; you and your Dog wearing reindeer antlers; you and your family with matching sweaters. Whatever. What are people supposed to do with paper cards anyway? Use them for bookmarks? Hello? Kindle. (Seriously, I gave up sending cards a few years ago. The hassle of gathering your list together, addressing, writing personalized notes, buying the fancy, snowy stamps, locating everyone’s physical address…yikes…too time consuming.) Oh, and please don’t bother writing a family letter detailing your annual highlights and happenings. Again, Facebook.
• Buy everyone the same thing and call it good. This year, it’s fart whistles for those on my list. If that is too inappropriate, there’s always warm, stripey socks. Or gift cards.

• Make memories by doing the little things. It’s the little things that make memories (I wrote about that here.) Baking cookies, cutting paper snowflakes, decorating a gingerbread house, watching Christmas movies, going for a brisk walk and admiring all the lights and wacky-but-totally-awesome-kitschy lawn decor. (I heart the inflatables with Santas riding Harleys and giant snow globes.) But don’t force these homespun tasks or feel like you SHOULD do every one. Pick and choose. Who cares?
• If you do do a cookie exchange, think bar cookie. When you swap five dozens of cookies with other lovely people, don’t make Martha Stewart-like sugar cookies or you’ll labor over those beauties for hours. Here are some recipes: http://www.bhg.com/recipes/desserts/cookies/bar-cookies/ Except, I took a peek and gag me on some of them. But, remember, you are giving these away and getting better ones, so don’t stress on making them perfect.
• Don’t waste precious weekend time in stuffy, crowded stores. Shop online. Most of the time, it’s free shipping. Even on fart whistles. But, if you must shop, pack the baby in her jammies, pop her into the stroller, and go the mall after 9:00 pm. No crowds.
• Take a step back and evaluate. Maybe you’ll realize that you’ve got a lot of good going on. And maybe you want to be just a teensy bit more thankful? And maybe you’ll want to add “sharing joy, wonder, love, and cheer to those less fortunate” to your “to do” list this year.