It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like…Aging

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Aging, Humor | Posted on 26-11-2012

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When oh when…did this thing called aging start creeping in?

  • When did I become so chatty with grocery store checkers? What a blabber head I’ve become. Just like my Grandma.
  • When did I start thinking about fiber intake? And carbs? And antioxidants? It takes me like 10 minutes to swallow all my vitamins in the morning..
  • When did I start buying underwear the size of sails? Gasp!
  • When did I start yawning at 10:30 p.m.?
  • When did I start needing glasses to Tweet and text?

Dude! It just happens. And that’s when I grab my walker and hobble over to launch Pandora and crank up Right Said Fred, loud enough so that the lyrics sink into my old bones.

My Sweet Delphinium

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Grandmother, Memories, Relationships, Women | Posted on 25-09-2012

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We had a plan to meet up for a visit. My good friend, Irma, and I. Easy enough, she eats at 4:00 p.m.

Admittedly, I scheduled our visit like she was another appointment in my busy day. Get the kids to school, jog, conference calls, dentist appointment, and client meetings, then meet up with Irma. I was to visit my “adopted grandmother” at her senior living community. I drove like a maniac in traffic.

I arrived late. The white-haired crowd had already dispersed from dinner. Dishes were clattering, as the bussers wiped away dropped napkins, rolling peas and spilled iced tea.

A friendly woman, named Barbara, walked me to Irma’s apartment. Apparently, all of the residents know her. How can you resist Irma’s charming smile, funny stories, and kind words? The door was unlocked, as always. I knocked and called out, “Irma! It’s me!” I didn’t want to startle her.

She wasn’t there. Her place was quiet and tidy. Silk flower bouquets. Hummel figurines. A loud ticking clock, marking the seconds. An afghan to cover cold legs.

I left the chocolate chip cookies I had baked on the table, with the lace doily. “Oh, you sweet Darling. You always do such nice things for me,” I imagined her saying. I wanted to hug her frail, ninety-something-year-old shoulders. And see her twinkly eyes and her dangly earrings. The pair I gave her a decade ago. Now, far too heavy for her drooping lobes.

Where was she?

She always showered me with encouraging, complimentary words. I needed my “Irma fix.”

I navigated the maze hallway, down the elevator, and outside to her raised bed garden. In the hopes that she would be tending her delphiniums. At that same moment, Irma was meandering the maze hallway, up the elevator, looking for me.

The delphiniums were a lovely shade of periwinkle blue–though a bit weathered through the heat of summer–and were staked up. With the hopes to stay strong and perky another month. Hopeful.

Circling. Searching. I must have passed the white-haired trio of women sitting on the bench gabbing and enjoying the evening air, four times. They gave me a perplexed look.

An hour later after I had left and was driving down the freeway, Irma called me with her sunshiny voice, “Hello, Dear! I am so sorry. I took a walk and checked my flowers and got caught up talking to one of my friends.”

Of course she did. That is just so Irma.

I smiled, “It’s OK. It was my fault for being late.” (And I mentally kicked myself.) “Let’s plan another visit in a few weeks.”

And I knew that when I said that, that I had better prioritize Irma in my over scheduled life.

Because friends should not be treated like appointments. And Irma, much like her beautiful delphiniums, will not last forever.

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Am I Turning into an Old Lady?

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Aging, Children, Humor | Posted on 24-07-2012

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Commenting on how time flies and how kids are growing like a weed…those are old lady comments, in my book. Purchasing fiber capsules and complaining about my hardened feet and sore muscles? OMG, those are old lady actions too.

Dude! I am turning into an old lady!

  • A friend of mine has a daughter who just got accepted to Dartmouth. Not only is that amazing and impressive, but I knew this woman when she was pregnant with this little Dartmouthian. What did I utter? “Wow, she has sure grown up.”*

*old lady comment

  • I was on Facebook and ran across a woman who just got married. A beautiful bride. I knew her when she was a six-year-old. What did I comment? “I knew you when you were just a little girl.”*

*old lady comment

  • The radio was on and it was Rihanna. Again. The words out of my mouth? “How can kids listen to this?”* Bah, music these days.¬†And I changed it to the jazz station to listen to–get this–Eartha Kitt and Tommy Dorsey.

*old lady comment

  • I go to the kitchen cabinet only to discover I’m low on–what else? Fiber capsules.*

*old lady purchase

My thirteen-year-old officially towers over me, standing tall at 6′. Am I shrinking, like old ladies do? I quickly measured myself. Whew, still 5’8″.

Then I jumped in the car (because I still can) and drove fast (because I still can), blasted some Rihanna, and stocked up on fiber capsules.

Got Wrinkles? Yeah. Shut the Front Door!

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Aging, Beauty, Body Image/Dieting, Brands, Women | Posted on 02-02-2012

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So, I go to the Lancome make-up counter during my lunch break to buy some new eyeshadow.

The make-up girl was unhelpful and a little rude. She boldly suggests that I try the intense anti-wrinkle serum…for extreme wrinkles. Extreme wrinkles?! “Maybe you should try the intense anti-wrinkle serum,” she suggests.

Dude! I know I’ve got some wrinkles around the eyes. Don’t you think I see them every day? Dude! I have big cheeks that go up when I smile and laugh. Too much LOLing, I guess.

I don’t need an orangey-tanned make-up sales tot reminding me. Uh, maybe you should try a college education?

I am reminded of the classic scene in Fried Green Tomatoes when Kathy Bates gets “Towanda” power and bashes into the young woman’s car in the parking lot, exclaiming “I’m older and I have more insurance.” Ugh. Have I turned into Kathy Bates?

Maybe next time, I’ll just visit my gesties (gay besties) at the MAC make-up counter. At least they don’t say mean things to my wrinkled face.

You Know You’re Getting Older When…

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Aging, Beauty, Body Image/Dieting, Health, Personal Care | Posted on 06-11-2011

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Ugh. You know you’re getting older when…

  • You’re getting wrinkles instead of pimples
  • You buy fish oil supplements these days and stay away from Doritos
  • Crunk has replaced the Moonwalk. But you never really did the Moonwalk, did you? My feet aren’t that limber or coordinated. I know about Crunk because I know things. Oh, and I play Dance Central on Kinect with the kids.
  • You slather on the SPF 45+ instead of the baby oil

Here are a few other things you just might be buying these days:

  • anti-aging cream
  • orthotics
  • fish oil
  • flax seed
  • antioxidants
  • Sensodyne toothpaste
  • Spanx
  • magnification mirror. Because with a regular mirror, you just can’t see those pesky hairs growing out of your chin, now can you? I said your chin, not mine.
  • comfortable shoes
  • new “smaller” panties (my friend @Heatherellaa and I call these knickers now). Well, ya don’t want to wear MOM jeans. So you buy all these new, low-waisted jeans but you can’t exactly wear big knickers that show above the waistline, now can you?

Whatever you’re buying, just be sure to throw some Popsicles and Goldfish crackers into your shopping cart once in awhile. It’s a good thing children keep us young, eh?

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