Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Cars, Childrearing, Family, Humor, Mothering, Shuttling | Posted on 27-11-2011
I’m sure your car is perfectly immaculate. And has that “new car” smell. And your vehicle is perfectly acceptable to transport your boss on a whim or your client per a last-minute request?
I just read a business article targeted to women about how your car is your first-impression to your professionalism. And in the professional world, women need to have their vehicles shiny and presentable in order to show that they have it together.
If that’s the case, it may appear that my career is “professional zoo keeper.”
I think there is a honey badger nesting in my car.
A honey badger that drops French fries on the floor. A honey badger that splatters milkshakes. A honey badger that leaves her stinky soccer cleats and shin guards in the back. And has a scattering of overdue children’s library books. And mystery, greasy hand prints adorn the windows. And extra clothes in the back in case she forgets her coat, socks, mittens. Expired coupons. The Barenaked Ladies CD “Barenaked for the Holidays.” Extra straws, just in case. Complete first aid kit. Snoopy aluminum water bottle…always filled for hydration. Water bottles for the kids…for their hydration. Hand sanitizer. Lotion. A myriad of things to return–with unaccompanied receipts–in the back. Sample-sized perfume for last minute Italian showers. Hair elastics for soccer.
A car that screams: Mom car, with a hint of Honey Badger.
I bought these wild seat covers as a distraction to the Honey Badger nesting problem. To protect the pale, oatmeal-colored seats…so stupidly light in color. What was I thinking? Way too light for transporting three kids with active sports and social schedules. My father-in-law thinks my car now resembles an Armenian taxi cab. Well, he does have a point. I am a taxi. For kids. Not for business associates.
Awhile back, my manager asked if I could drive us to our meeting. Crap, I thought. “Sure, no problem.” And wouldn’t ya know, she got out of the car with a big wet stain on her ass. It was just water from a spilled water bottle. But yikes.
Did I learn from that? Uh, no.
Just the other day, one of our clients asked if I could give him a ride. I panicked. Luckily, my manager volunteered to take him and I smiled. (And sighed under my breath.)
Maybe today is the day. The day that I rid the honey badger nest from my car.