Silly Rabbit

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Celebrations, Easter, Family, Humor, Life Lessons, Memories, Parenting | Posted on 24-03-2016

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The Easter Bunny has finally gotten smart around here. It has taken several years of trial and error.

One year, the Easter Bunny hid the freshly-dyed hard-boiled eggs outside the night before. It rained. And in the morning, our young son searched for white eggs.

Another year, the Easter Bunny hid the hard-boiled eggs outside in the morning. Then we let the dogs out for their morning pee. The dogs ate all of the eggs. Nary an egg to be found.

Yet another year, the Easter Bunny wised up and hid the hard-boiled eggs inside the house. Except. What happens when children don’t find all of the eggs? The big stink.

Silly rabbit.

The Easter Bunny has finally learned to hide plastic eggs inside the house. No rain. No dogs. No smell. Brilliant.

Happy Easter!

XO,
Pippi

Whoops! #Eastereggs #Easter #egghunting This was a long time ago and makes me smile.

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Breakfast is served! #Eastereggs #eggs

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One Fine Day

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Dogs, Help, Humor | Posted on 23-02-2016

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One fine day. Also known as the day diarrhea sprayed over the entire living room carpet.

It began as a glorious day. Then quickly turned to shit.

Literally.

I came home and was greeted by that smell. I followed the stench and soon spotted a diarrhea lake on the carpet, right in front of the fireplace. How cozy.

Because we don’t have enough hardwood floors to diarrhea on.

I sprang into immediate action! I first yelled at Otis and sent him outside. Poor Otis, getting yelled at, on top of a sick belly.

Hauling over a bucket of warm water, I began scooping up liquid poop with a washcloth. Gagging all the while. Scoop, rinse, gag, repeat.

The smell! The endless pile! I felt sorry for myself and began to weep.

After 20 minutes, the carpet slowly turned from dark brown to light brown. Time for Tide and suds. I generously poured Tide into a fresh bucket of warm water and began to suds the stain. Scrubbing furiously, this was turning into a workout.

The smell wouldn’t go away. Neither would the stain. I needed more suds. More liquid.

I dragged in the shop vac from the garage. The vacuum sucked up the suds and immediately began overflowing, shooting diarrhea suds, plus rotten wet leaves that had been left in the shop vac, across the entire carpet.

I started bawling and screaming at the mess. I needed some help. Time to call the professionals. “You need extraction,” Gary told me.

The next morning, Gary brought his really long hose (giggle) to steam clean. Within 24 hours of the accident, the carpet was pristine, Otis was feeling better, and I was smiling again. Another fine day.

The first to try out the newly steamed carpets. #Otis

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Sweet Pea

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Fun, Humor, Love, Mother, Mothering, Mothers and Sons | Posted on 10-02-2016

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He’s my sweet pea. He’s the apple of my eye. Both of them. Literally!

I love my son. I love this song. And I love gift cards to Amazon…where you can buy practically anything. Check out his latest purchase!

His newest purchase. Excellent!

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“Sweet Pea”

Sweet pea
Apple of my eye
Don’t know when and I don’t know why
You’re the only reason I keep on coming home

Sweet pea
What’s all of this about?
Don’t get your way all you do is fuss and pout
You’re the only reason I keep on coming home

I’m like the Rock of Gibraltar
I always seem to falter
And the words just get in the way
Oh I know I’m gonna crumble
And I’m trying to stay humble
But I never think before I say

Sweet pea
Keeper of my soul
I know sometimes I’m out of control
You’re the only reason I keep on coming
You’re the only reason I keep on coming yeah
You’re the only reason I keep on coming home

Shut-Me-Up Candy

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Childrearing, Children, Humor, Memories | Posted on 12-01-2016

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For my grandmother, Life Savers were, well, a life saver.

In church, I loved to sing along with my hymn book. I tried to listen to the sermon…Amen! But the minutes grew into hours it seemed. I soon grew restless.

My grandmother would whisper to me to stop fidgeting. The kind of whisper that could be heard three rows away.

She opened her patent leather clutch with the magnet clasp and handed me a small notepad with pastel-colored paper and a ball point pen. Drawing was fun for 8 minutes.

Time for shut-me-up candy. All hail Life Savers. One at a time, she would dole them out to me.

I knew I had to savor them because I wasn’t sure how many I would be gifted. Each Life Saver would rest on my tongue until the edges would become so sharp, you couldn’t resist crunching. Crunch! Sshhh!

Back then it was red, orange, yellow, green, white. Red was cherry. Orange was orange. Yellow was lemon. Green was lime. White was pineapple. That was my favorite.

I am not sure when they changed to gaggy raspberry and watermelon. I asked my ten-year-old son if he liked Life Savers. You mean the gummies? Um, no, the original ones. He said he had never tried them. What??

The original, shut-me-up candy?

So I bought him a pack. Whaddya know, they still work. 😉

My grandmother used to dole me out one Life Savers at a time to keep me quiet during church.

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Merry Christmas

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Holidays, Humor | Posted on 24-12-2015

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Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

Or.

Have yourself a merry ginormous Christmas.

XO,
Pippi

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

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Farts. Uranus. Butts. Farts.

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Boys, Childhood, Childrearing, Children, Humor | Posted on 13-12-2015

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Farts. Uranus. Butts. Farts.

Saying any of these words is enough to provoke laughter and jokes around here.

Everyone Poops and The Gas We Pass were two of our first favorite books. “A one hump camel makes a one hump poop, and a two hump camel makes a two hump poop. Only kidding.”

Hee hee.

Then came fact books about planets. Did you know that Uranus wind speeds can reach up to 900 km per hour? That wind shore is fast!

Or that Uranus has an icy mantle that surrounds its rock and iron core? Giggle.

Or that Uranus is covered with a haze made of methane? Laugh out loud.

Fart books with audio buttons are our new favorites! Farts Around the World and Farts in the Wild make us cackle.

And you already know how many beans are consumed around here.

Whoever smelt it dealt it.

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Gag!

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Humor | Posted on 09-12-2015

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I once went to a dentist where the dental hygienist told me that she would brush her tongue so far back that she would make herself gag. She said that was a sign that her tongue was really clean.

Yeah. She told this me while her hands were in my mouth and my only option was to say, “huh.” Because everyone knows you can’t say anything with clarity when someone’s hands are in your mouth.

Do you know what is even gaggier? The dentist there was convicted of stabbing his wife to death with a pair of her sewing scissors. Yeah. Those murderer’s hands were also in my mouth, poking around with shiny, silver, sharp scrapers. Yikes!

You can guess that I promptly changed dentists. I now have a dental hygienist who asks me lots of questions while her hands are in my mouth. But at least my new dentist has not been convicted of murder. Yet.

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The Strip Club

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Humor | Posted on 07-12-2015

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I have always wanted to go to a strip club. It’s taken decades, but one night I finally went for it!

My friend and I were awkward, but giddy. We barely made it through the doorway without laughing. We bought drinks and sat down, looking uncomfortable but eager.

The music started pumping. So did the pelvises. Pelvises were thrusting in our faces. We started cracking up and could not stop. The guys’ shirts came off. Butts were gyrating in our faces. The laughter continued.

When one of the guys posed with us for pictures, I patted him on the shoulder and said in a motherly-I’m-proud-of-you voice, “You did such a great job!”

He beamed and seemed to appreciate that more that the dollar bills he had collected that night.

Letting loose and being silly with a friend, laughing our heads off, tucking dollars into underwear, making new “friends.” It was a night of letting it all hang out. Literally.

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Smile!

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Humor | Posted on 12-11-2015

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My 16-year-old son has mastered the serious pose. The other day, he tried to teach me how to take a serious selfie.

I tried. I looked straight into the camera with a wistful look.

Then I started cracking up.

I simply couldn’t not smile. I’m a smiler. I mean, I have a smiley face sticker on my car.

I read an interesting article stated that “by the 17th century in Europe, it was a well-established fact that the only people who smiled broadly, in life and in art, were the poor, the lewd, the drunk, the innocent, and the entertainment.”

Great.

I was curious about why people didn’t smile in old-fashioned photos. Just Google American family 1900 photos. And you’ll see what I mean.

Was it because of poor dental hygiene? Was it because the person had to be still for so long to have a photograph taken?

One article indicated that the primary reason was that people didn’t want to be immortalized for all of history with a goofy grin on their faces.

Yep, that’s me. The goofy grinner.

Mark Twain once said, “A photograph is a most important document, and there is nothing more damning to go down to posterity than a silly, foolish smile caught and fixed forever.”

My digital photo history is screwed! 🙂

He tried to teach me how to take a serious selfie. I tried. I couldn't. I'm a smiler.

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When Hairy Met Pippi

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Humor | Posted on 23-10-2015

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I wrote a poem about the giant hair clump I pulled out of the shower drain. And how it was alive, with a heartbeat, and became our new pet. I wrote that back in 2013. That’s about when the drain was cleaned out last. 🙂

You can read that poem here.

Well whaddya know? I opened the drain the other day and pulled out an even bigger hair clump. It was love at first sight. I named him Hairy.

The hairy heart.

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