The invitation said “potluck” and “boating attire.” And “family welcome.”
A work party. At a home on a lake.
I should have read between the lines. WORK. Home on a LAKE. BOATING ATTIRE. In other words: FANCY. Not: Slip on some waterproof Keen sandals, bring the watermelon, and the dolphin-print beach towels under the arms of three over-excited children.
Potluck? That’s easy. I would make my broccoli-bacon-curried-almond salad. It’s yummy and a crowd pleaser. I chopped and mixed and tossed it into a Tupperware container. Done.
Attire? That’s easy. I wore my new purple Faded Glory peasant top. I bought it for $12 at Walmart–what a deal! It was bright and cheerful. Pair it with jeans. And my waterproof turquoise Keen sandals, of course. Perfect for a lake party.
Grab the kids’ swimsuits and beach towels. And we’re set.
My three kids in tow. Me with my Keens and cheap peasant blouse–which was feeling a little tight in all the wrong places–I was looking Lesbian-Frumpy Mom, all in one.
We show up. Ding dong. Were the watermelon wedges starting to slide off the tray? Were the kids a little over eager? Er, maybe the giant plastic bowl of broccoli salad didn’t look so pleasing after all.
You’d think we stepped into a Hollywood party. Everyone was in crisp white shirts and khaki linen pants. Ah, boating attire. That’s what that meant. Hors d’oeuvres and a yacht. Not hot dogs and cannonballs. My bad.
I was Faded Glory amidst the Ann Taylor crowd.
Pools of sweat began to puddle in my armpits. I made room for my homemade salad and watermelon wedges on the buffet table, amidst the hummus, fresh mozzarella with basil drizzled in olive oil, prosciutto, and charcuterie fare. I should have put my salad in my fancy Pier 1 bowl. Even the broccoli salad–though colorful and yummy–was not appropriately dressed. Dude! My salad didn’t seem to fit in either.
Then…splash! In jumped my kids into the lake, splashing the khaki linen crowd. “MOM! Did you see that cannonball?!” they yelled.
Yeah, we know how to make a splash, all right.
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