Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Baking, Humor | Posted on 12-01-2017
I wrote about my fiberlicious cookies awhile back. Guess what? I created a new and wonderfully improved version.
I call this new recipe Wonder Cookies.
I wonder what’s in these?
Almond flour, chocolate chips, chopped dates, coconut sugar, shredded coconut, flax seed.
I wonder how much fiber they have?
A zillion grams.
And then, the next question would be…
I wonder where the nearest toilet is?
Chances are, if you eat too many of these cookies, you will wonder why you did.
“Pippi makes the best cookies on Earth.” Everyone agreed. My soccer team agreed. My son agreed.
After years of baking and measuring and sampling and watching and learning, my daughter has learned the fine art of baking cookies.
Check out her gems!
The cookie-baking gene I acquired from my grandmothers has been passed down. This makes me happy.
I always seem to find time to bake cookies but not always time to make dinner. Priorities, I guess.
Butter and eggs cover the dairy.
Almond flour covers the nuts.
Chocolate chips cover the yum.
So yeah, cookies for dinner practically covers all of the food groups. Add a banana and a carrot on the side. Serve with a glass of milk, and bam! Dessert and dinner all in one!
We made a magic Key lime pie. Magic because it disappeared in one day.
The making of this magic pie was a family affair.
I sent my oldest son to the grocery store with a list of ingredients. And he nailed it! (Oh, by the way, sweetened, condensed milk is located in the baking aisle.)
My daughter helped squeeze the limes and grate the zest. And formed the graham cracker crust into the pan.
My youngest son? He helped all right. In fact, he helped eat two slices.
We all enjoyed a freshly made Key lime pie, a gift to my husband on Father’s Day–a tradition of ours. Except this was the first year that everyone had a role in the pie’s creation. Perhaps that’s what made it so magical.
Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Baking, Memories | Posted on 04-12-2014
The winds blew in. Crazy winds. The kind of wind that scatters the leaves into crescent formations at the sidewalk’s edge. The kind of wind that makes your cheeks turn pink. The kind of wind that blows the last of the November apples off the trees.
On our way home, we noticed hundreds of unclaimed apples, newly blown onto the grass. So of course, we pulled over to gather them up. My daughter and I made baskets out of our shirts, where we weighted them down with apples.
My nine-year-old ran willy-nilly. Because. The. Wind.
That afternoon, we washed, peeled, chopped, sugared, spiced, and cooked the apples. Then, we mixed, rolled, and flattened a pie crust. After an hour of preparation, into the oven it baked.
We called it: Wind Pie.
And despite the apples being too mushy and the crust too wheaty, the memory-making was delicious!
I may or may not open a pie shop. Someday.
I have a place all picked out. It’s a little vintage cottage, painted yellow. And it’s for sale. Right near the neighborhood park and a burger place, in the center of town. Old people, teens, couples, and families will come in droves.
I have perfected my pie crust. It was my grandmother’s recipe. And I am kinda known for my pecan pies and chocolate pies. I will expand my repertoire, don’t worry.
It’ll be a happy place, where you can come for big slices of pie. And you will be happy. And I will be happy serving you pie. My pie. Pippi’s Pie Shop will ooze happiness.
My kids are totally supportive of my dream. Except my oldest, who’s like “Costco pies are better.” What the what??
We drive by the future home of Pippi’s Pie Shop nearly every day and we all point it out, “Woohoo! There’s Mom’s future pie shop!”
This magical dream is so real, I can taste it. My daughter–who recently got hot pink highlights and now we call her Pinkie–said she wants to go into business with me. Awesome! We’ll change the name to Pippi and Pinkie’s Place. And we’ll sell pies and candy. With giant glass jars filled with every kind of candy imaginable and enormous lollipops. We’ll paint the walls hot pink and there will be Twister-like spots on the floor. Such a happy place it will be!
Awhile back I wrote about people who squash other peoples’ dreams. I call them shatterers of dreams. Or assholes. Read about them here.
So the next time you hear about someone’s dream, support it. Even if it’s a dream that vanishes like…my yummy pies.
Dizzy. Equilibrium off. Lack of appetite. Aching.
What could it be?
I know. It was probably salmonella poisoning from eating raw eggs from cookie dough. Yep, I knew it. I finally got it. After eating pounds and pounds of uncooked cookie dough over the years, I was due.
The symptoms continued for days. I talked to my friend who’s a nurse and admitted my dough overdose. She’s like nah. Are you dehydrated? Do you have stomach pains? Do you have diarrhea?
OK, so I Googled my symptoms. Turns out I had a brain tumor. And it’s been growing there for three weeks, apparently. My husband’s like get your butt to the doctor.
So, he took me. On Valentine’s Day in fact. What love! (Not sure why I didn’t go to the doctor sooner. I mean, I take my kids the second they have a symptom.)
I did not have a brain tumor. Whew! I did not have salmonella poisoning. Whew!
Turns out I had merely a bilateral otitis media and sinutitus (double ear infection and sinus infection). What a tough cookie I am.
Trying to reduce your sugar intake? Trying to be gluten free? Need something to satisfy your cookie cravings?
excellent pretty good decent recipe that meets the above criteria. Plus, they look like poop turds (and kinda taste like them), which will wow the children!
- 1/2 cup butter or vegetable shortening (I used Smart Balance)
- 1/2 cup date goo (I chopped up dates and simmered them with 1/4 cup water to make a “paste”)
- 2 eggs
- 1 tsp. vanilla extract
- 1 cup ground oat flour (yeah, I made my own. Just call me Pioneer Pippi.)
- 1 cup rolled oats
- 1 tsp. cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp. baking soda
- 1 cup chocolate chips (or if you’re anti-sugar, put in some dried cranberries or raisins)
Cream butter and date paste. Add eggs. Mix together the remaining dry ingredients, then stir them into the creamed mixture. Plop and bake on a parchment-lined cookie sheet at 350 degrees F about 10 minutes.
Eat too many and you’ll be running to the bathroom. Because they are #fiberlicious!
P.S. You can swap out any kind of flour and oil. I am experimenting with almond flour and coconut oil. What the heck?
I had great plans for these pumpkin loaves. Great, healthy plans.
You know, use oat flour instead of flour flour. Use chia seed gel as the oil. Use applesauce to replace half of the sugar.
Removing them from the oven, the pumpkin bread smelled delicious. However, removing them from the pans, the loaves were dense yet sorta gooey.
After doling out wedges to my kids, my eight-year-old son bravely took a taste and announced, “Your pumpkin bread sucks balls.”