peskypippi.comBecause I have a lot to say…

Once upon a time, there was a young girl who wore pigtails and overalls. She was a nature lover, this girl, who loved climbing trees, blowing dandelions, observing worms, and oohing over butterflies. One day, she discovered a lizard and picked it up. She examined its scaly, grey back, little beady eyes, and long tail.

When it was time to go home and leave the lizard where she found it, she actually didn’t.

She snuck that lizard into her overalls pocket, making sure that lizard was safe and warm and protected.

She proceeded to cuddle that lizard and build it a little home. In a shoebox, with grass, plenty of love, and ta washcloth to keep it warm. What else could a little lizard need?

With the over abundance of love and nurturing, the lizard’s tail broke off. The young girl quickly taped it back on.

The lizard soon perished. The young girl had smothered her lizard pet, with her over nurturing, and was in tears.

She learned a few life lessons on that hot Summer day. Not only did she learn that many species of lizards release their tail when they want to escape from a predator, but:

• How to care for a creature, but also to give it space.
• How to love a creature, but not over smother it.
• How you can’t fix a problem with a simple patch.
• And how, at some point, you need to set the creature free.

As I recount my daughter’s story from several years ago, I now see that her lessons learned are also parenting lessons that I am learning.

I’m not sure why our society is obsessed with removing unwanted hair.

I remember back in the seventh grade, desperately wanting to shave my legs. I begged my mother. She said I could, but only up to the knee. That was a lovely sight. Hairless calves. Hairy thighs.

Then in the ninth grade, I discovered tweezers. And proceeded to overpluck my eyebrows.

Shave this. Shave that. Tweeze this. Pluck that. Blast that unwanted hair!

It wasn’t until the past decade that I discovered waxing. Professional eyebrow waxing. Upper lip waxing.

Over the years, when it came to swimsuit season, I simply used the razor to tidy up. No problem.

But I kept hearing about the wonders of bikini waxes. Friends told me, “You should totally do it!” But I put it off. Until right before my trip to Hawaii, when I put “bikini wax” on my to do list. Yeah, I totally did it!

And here are four things I learned about a bikini wax:

1. It was embarrassing.
2. It hurt.
3. Wear your pretty bikini panties. Oops.
4. Be clear with what you want. Oops.

I wasn’t exactly clear with what I wanted. Maybe it was the language barrier?

Let me just say that it’s a good thing hair grows back. Because two words: Hitler’s moustache.

My daughter learned three life lessons this week.

And I was reminded that I often blurt things out without consulting The Proper Parenting Handbook.

Here’s what happened.

My daughter came home upset that she wasn’t invited to her friend’s upcoming birthday party.

• “What?!” I shrieked. “But you guys play all the time!”
• “Yeah,” she said sadly. “She just didn’t want to invite ME.”
• “What a little bitch!” I said.

Lesson one: Ten-year-old girls can be bitches too.

Another day after school, my daughter came home even more upset that her puka shell necklace–her prized $3 purchase from our trip to Hawaii–broke into 200 puka shell pieces. She was planning to wear it all year, to remember our wonderful family vacation. A boy had grabbed her necklace from her neck (!), sending puka shells scattering.

• “What an asshole!” I exclaimed. “Let’s get him to apologize.” That seemed to make her feel better.

Lesson two: Calling someone an asshole for asshole behavior automatically makes you feel better.

• And I offered, “Oh, Sweetie, I know that was special to you. I could buy you another one but it wouldn’t be the same, would it?”
• “No,” she lamented. “That was my special necklace.”

Lesson three: Some valuable things can’t be replaced, because the value is in the memories.

I may not say all the right things. I may say some very wrong things. But I always try to talk things out with my daughter. Even if an obscenity pops out from time to time.

Think polka music is only for Oktoberfest? Or for The Lawrence Welk show? Or Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania?

Think again.

You know those mornings when your kids are sluggish at breakfast, barely able to scoop their eggs in their mouths?

Turn on Beer Barrel Polka radio on Pandora.

It will instantly change the morning mood. Your kids will laugh and scoop their eggs faster. And if you dance along, pretending you’re wearing lederhosen, your kids will think Mom is crazy. What’s new?

Pete and Repeat were on a boat

Pete fell off

Who was left?

Repeat.

And so goes the old joke my Dad used to tell me. When he asked “Who was left?” I answered “Repeat” every time. At age nine, I was dense as a rock.

I’m less dense now and finally get it. Ahhh, it’s a total metaphor, isn’t it?

You row your boat in life. You balance. And you try not to fall in the water.

But sometimes you do. And that sucks.

Then you climb back aboard. And you repeat.

Good joke, Daddy.

Yep. I did the Dr. Oz 3-Day Detox Cleanse. You can too. Check it out here:

Basically, you fuel your body with four complete meals a day in the form of smoothies/juices, which contain mostly vegetables and fruits and some fats and some protein. Dr. Oz suggests that by doing this cleanse, you will eliminate harmful toxins, restore your system, and reset your body. Was he right?

I eliminated. I reset. I restored.

This detox cleanse reminded me that I can do ANYTHING for three days. Here are the pros and cons from my experience:

1. I consumed A LOT of vegetables and fruits. Probably 4x of what I normally consume daily. This was a good reminder to eat more vegetables and fruits daily.
2. More fiber in, more fiber out. It’s really that simple.
3. I was hydrated. I peed so much that my pee was clear. (Maybe it was all the green tea and celery acting as a diuretic to flush everything out?)
4. I learned new ways of making smoothies…such as combining avocado and frozen berries and coconut milk make a pretty damn good faux ice cream.
5. I was OK for breakfast, lunch, and snack, but by dinner time, I was ready for dinner dinner. Not another smoothie.
6. I missed chewing my food and I missed hot food.
7. My sugar cravings were gone. Instead, I was craving a salad or a piece of fish. (I guess that’s the resetting part.)
8. I lost 5 lbs.
9. I didn’t feel like I was getting enough protein. Aerobic exercise and cleansing don’t mix that well, at least for me. I tried running one day, elliptical one day, and weights one day. I think that was too much exertion with so little protein. I felt sorta shaky.
10. I realized I really do hate raw kale. I had to swap the kale for spinach.
11. Pooping once a day is nice. But pooping twice a day, is twice as nice. And when you consume spinach and berries and flax by the truckload, your poop is quite, uh, colorful.

Take me home to the paradise city, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty…

And so go the lyrics of the famous Guns N’ Roses song. Which, interestingly, was playing on the radio as I was driving my kids up to the mountain for a day of snow tubing.

My seven-year-old son asks me, “Mom, where IS Paradise City?”

Brace yourself. This gets kinda sappy.

I said, “Well, I think Paradise City is where you think it is. You kinda make your own paradise, don’t you think?”

It was a Saturday; a day off. I was spending the day with my kids. We looked around: It was a sunshiny, blue-sky, crisp day. Glistening white snow banks on either side of us. The fir trees were laden with snow. We had full bellies from our stop at Subway. A day of snow tubing ahead of us. The radio blasting. We were singing along.

Yep. We were IN Paradise City.

You gotta make your own paradise, eh?

Oh and here I am tubing. Duh! The #PeskyPippiTubingCam.

I used to know a thing or two about a thing or two. And now I know a thing or three about a thing or three.

See, I’m trying out a few new things in 2013. So far:

1. I got a new hairdo. I added bangs. Old is new again; I had this hairstyle in the 5th grade!
2. I learned how to make balloon animals with my young son. We watched clowns on YouTube. If clowns can do it, I can do it. I can now make dogs and flowers. Booyah!
3. I made my first berry cobbler. It was delicious. Then I made another. You can see where this diet is going…
4. I went through my closet and grabbed, assessed, and dumped; thus getting rid of 1/5 of my clothes. Read here for that.
5. I tried my first sweet potato fries. Yum!
6. I’m running 4x a week with my large puppy in tow (or the other way around…whatever). This is a must given all the dang cobbler and sweet potato fries I’ve eaten this year.

See? You CAN teach an old dog new tricks.

As if it’s not enough to raise our children to be kind and confident, smart and self-sufficient, and resilient and resourceful, we also need to teach them to cook.

Yikes!

A panic washed over me last Summer when I realized that my (newly teen) son did not know how to make anything. Other. Than. A. Sandwich.

I felt that he was well on the road to being kind, confident, smart, resilient, and resourceful…but might be lacking in the self-sufficient department.

Resourceful in the kitchen? Yeah, kinda. My son was a pro at microwaving soup, frozen burritos and instant oatmeal. He also used the can opener like a whiz! Opening fruit cocktail like nobody’s business.

Frozen burritos and instant oatmeal will only get you so far.

But could he create something from scratch? Not so much.

I knew what I had to do. Teach that young man to cook!

Cooking 101: creating self-sufficient young adults. (Also known as: creating patient parents who lack proper cooking skills themselves.)

Yikes again!

We began with simple items. Grilled-cheese sandwiches. Scrambled eggs. Quesadillas with refried beans.

We also learned:

• How to cut up vegetables and serve with Ranch dip.
• How to cut an orange into slices.
• How to hardboil an egg. And then proceed to peel and slice it.

This progressed into:

• How to make a smoothie in the blender out of yogurt, juice, frozen fruit, and protein powder.

Ta da! He now knows how to make a few well-rounded meals.

Slowly but surely, my son is expanding his food-making repertoire. I am convinced that he will be self-sufficient in the kitchen someday, and be happy as a result.

And this makes me happy.

2013 brings another fresh start. This year, I decided to make four more or less resolutions.

• More love, less hate.
• More spinach, less Oreos.
• More laughs, less stress.
• More thanks, less complaints.

May your 2013 bring you more love, spinach, laughs, and thanks.

Happy New Year!

XO,

Pippi