Days Like This

6

Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Childrearing, Children, Communication, Connections, Conversations, Mothering, Parenting | Posted on 17-09-2014

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As a parent, I have learned am learning that it’s not my job to make everything all sunshiny and happy for my children. Because–gasp!–in day-to-day life, not everything is all sunshiny and happy. We learn from bad days, dealing with tough situations and mean people, heartbreak, disappointment, and feeling overwhelmed.

I read an article, Top Mom Stresses and How to Relieve Them, in Family Circle and a mother commented, “My trick is to have compassion for my kids. I remind myself they are little people who have rotten days and bad moods just like I do.”

Yes! In fact, this is what I heard the first week of school:

1st day: “I love school!”
2nd day: “School is so fun!”
3rd day: “School sucks shit.”

So instead of, Let me fix it for you and make it better.

I tried to be a good listener (not a fixer) and was like Aw. I’m sorry to hear you had a sucky day. Tell me about it.

I listened. We talked. And I could relate. Maybe he learned more about how to handle bad days. And maybe I learned more about parenting.

There will be days like this.

First day of school…high five!

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Comments (6)

More moms should be listeners and not ‘fixers’. The world needs more listeners, and teachers of how to fix, not how to fix for others. Does that make sense. Either way, you’re kicking ass, mom.

Thanks for that. Yeah, I am learning to help teach my children to fix their own problems. It’s much harder when you can’t just buy them a chocolate shake and everything is all better.

XO,
Pippi

This was a brilliant post, and I agree. We need to do more listening, and less fixing before even knowing what may not need fixing. Bravo!

Heck yes. Our job is to raise competent, compassionate human beings. And sometimes that means getting out of the way and not fixing everything, even though it can be a little painful to watch them flail. You never know when you’re going to be called upon to be self-reliant, and you’d better be ready!
(I still shake my head at the memory of my driving by myself to see my sister in college, over four hours from home. The car broke down on the Ohio Turnpike which had exits every 30 miles or so. I had to negotiate getting the car towed, find a place to spend the night in some small town midway between Oberlin and Ann Arbor, and wait until the part could be located the next day and the car fixed. Without a cellphone and armed only with a checkbook on a Sunday. I was 16. And I did it!!!)

Thanks for writing. Loved your story of managing a huge problem on your own…whoa!

XO,
Pippi

Aw, thank you. Yeah, it takes more effort to teach our children how to learn to be competent, self-confident, and fix things on their own rather than fixing things for them. I learn something new every day!

XO,
Pippi

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