I Met a Poop Topper


Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Animals, Dogs, Humor | Posted on 12-02-2014

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You know those people. Those people who one-up you and try to top your stories.

I got a new puppy. Oh yeah, I got two new puppies.

My husband made enchiladas. Oh yeah, my husband bought us tickets to Mexico.

My son got all As and Bs. Oh yeah, my son got all As in AP classes.

Or how about: I’m so tired. I worked all day and feel like I’m coming down with the flu. Oh yeah, I worked all day plus the night shift and have pneumonia. (And then you kinda wish they just go to their sickbed and shut the hell up.)

It’s those kind of people that you wish you never started talking to in the first place.¬†Except for Saturday Night Live’s Kristen Wiig’s Penelope, who one-upped everyone and was hilarious because she was so outrageous:

Lisa: That cat was like a child to her.

Penelope: My cat was my child. I was pregnant with my cat…I gave birth to it sooo I had my cat baby in the hospital and I had my cat baby shower…

The other day, while Otis (my dog) and I were out for a run, he took not one poop, but two poops. It’s a good thing I carry poop bags aplenty. And you thought I just had puffy pockets?

At my half-way point, where I stretch and Otis sniffs, there was a guy and a dog across the street. The dog was pooping.

To be friendly–because all dog owners are reasonably cordial, right?–I holler out, “Ha! My dog pooped twice already on our run!” You know, to be all chatty and all.

And the guy hollers back, “Oh yeah? Twice? My dog pooped four times so far.”

Whaddya know? I met my first poop topper. What do you say to that? (It sucks to be you.) But instead, jovially (with eyes rolling) “Ha! Have fun with that.” And off we ran.


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Run done!

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Comments (2)

“What’dya feeding that dog with the four poops??”

I hate one uppers.

No kidding! Yikes on both comments!


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