You’re So Old


Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Aging, Celebrations, Confidence, Humor | Posted on 30-09-2013

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Hey y’all! Today is my birthday, so I have compiled my favorite “you’re so old” lines. Forty-four of them!

The first 10 are, uh, from personal experiences and make my kids’ jaws drop.

  1. I’m so old, I lived before the Internet was invented.
  2. I’m so old, gas used to be less than 90 cents a gallon.
  3. I’m so old, my classrooms had chalkboards.
  4. I’m so old, I had to develop film, 36 pictures at a time.
  5. I’m so old, I typed my essays on a typewriter.
  6. I’m so old, I remember when airplanes had smoking sections.
  7. I’m so old, I used the Encyclopedia Britannica for research. At the library.
  8. I’m so old, I remember when TVs didn’t even have remote controls.
  9. I’m so old I remember when MTV played music videos.
  10. I’m so old, I had a phone with a rotary dial. And a cord. A really long, curly cord.
  11. You’re so old that when you Google “old,” it’s you.
  12. You’re so old, when you were a child, rainbows were black and white.
  13. You’re so old, your birth certificate expired.
  14. You’re so old, you had fossils instead of Instagram.
  15. You’re so old, the key on Ben Franklin’s kite was to your apartment.
  16. You’re so old your first concert t shirt says, “I watched the Big Bang and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.”
  17. You’re so old that when you were in school there was no history class.
  18. You’re so old you know the correct use of “your” and “you’re.”
  19. You’re so old, the candles cost more than the birthday cake.
  20. You’re so old, you drove a chariot to prom.
  21. You’re so old, you measure your age in epochs, not years.
  22. You’re so old, you have an autographed copy of the Bible.
  23. You’re so old, your doodles were hieroglyphics.
  24. You’re so old, you sprinkle Metamucil on your Metamucil.
  25. You’re so old, you took drama class with Shakespeare.
  26. You’re so old, when you get in an elevator, you know all the songs.
  27. You’re so old, when you walked out of a museum, the alarm went off.
  28. You’re so old, your first pet was a T-Rex
  29. You’re so old you have a picture of Jesus in your yearbook.
  30. You’re so old, you waitressed at the last supper.
  31. You’re so old, that watching Jurassic Park, brought back memories.
  32. You’re so old, you got your mail with a carrier pigeon
  33. You’re so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
  34. You’re so old, your Social Security number is 12.
  35. You’re so old, the first time your boyfriend got a naked picture of you it was a cave painting.
  36. You’re so old, that your liver spots have liver spots.
  37. You’re so old, Geronimo used to call out YOUR name when he jumped off of something.
  38. You’re so old, the last time you farted, cobwebs shot out.
  39. You’re so old, you remember when the Grand Canyon was just a babbling brook.
  40. You’re so old, your first watch was a sun dial.
  41. You’re so old, your nipples have callouses from dragging on the floor.
  42. You’re so old, Depends turned you down because they were looking for someone younger and hotter for their ads.
  43. You’re so old The Flintstones was a show about the distant future.
  44. You’re so old, vultures constantly circle your house.

Thanks to two of my Twitter buddies @DiaperDads and @groovnlikeaboss, who helped contribute to this list.

Cheers! Here’s to another 44 years!


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Comments (4)

Oh my good Lord! This is hilarious! but ouch it hurts! Truth hurts you know! Hhahahaha

Just wait ’til next year, when I’m even older. Ha!

Act young and maybe I’ll look young, right? 🙂



Seriously, that might have been one of the best Twitter conversations ever. Glad you made it one more year. (At your age, you should start having birthdays on an hourly schedule.)

Since you wrote this, I’m like decades older (given the hourly rate I’m now celebrating).

Haha…I may pull a muscle or pee my Depends laughing so hard,

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