Red Velvet Cake


Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Humor, Life, Uncategorized | Posted on 12-08-2013

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Once upon a time, there was a very large and appetizing red velvet cake sitting in my refrigerator. The cake had big plans to be the centerpiece for our feast the next day.

However. Enter four words: Gluttony and replacement cake.

The evening before our celebration, my husband had taken our children out for a few hours. I had two hours to myself–whoa! It was just me and the dogs. And the cake.

Just one slice. Who will know? I’ll just make a paper-thin slice, then slice up the rest of the cake so that it looks like it came pre-sliced.

Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm. (That’s me humming, with knife in hand.)

I made about 10 roundtrips to the refrigerator and back. I couldn’t help it. It was like cake magnetism. Just one more slice. The cold frosting. The moist cake. My teeth were turning pink.

Pretty soon, the cake was hacked and attacked, until only two sad, uneven slices remained.


Quick! Throw a dishtowel on the cake and hide it behind the beer. I could always blame it on the children if I had to, and deny it was me.

That night, I went to bed feeling like I ate, oh, about eight slices too many. Ugh, the belly pain. Ugh, the super red tongue, even after brushing.

But because I was on a mission to cover up the evidence–I just HAD to–that was me at Costco the next morning at 10:01 a.m. to buy…what else? A replacement red velvet cake.

A sleight of hand and bam. That new cake was on a pedestal, smiling. And there I was at lunch, also smiling. And still burping up my indulgence from the night before.

No one could believe the amazing restraint I showed when it was time to slice and serve the cake.

“No thanks, none for me!”

red velvet cake

Now, did you seriously think I ate an ENTIRE cake? And REPLACED it? Well, I DID totally think about it. And I DID actually have two slices and pre-sliced the rest of the cake. As if. 🙂

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Comments (5)

You did exactly the same as I would have done, especially the pre-cutting of the rest of the cake!

Ha! We are pretty smart cookies (I mean cakies.)

Thanks for writing!

Oh my goodness…I read that and said, she did NOT almost eat the entire cake! LOL It looks like it was really delicious. I just love the way you write.

P.S. This is Crystal from Twitter. 🙂

Ha! I didn’t eat the entire cake but oh, I so wanted to!

Thanks for reading! And for the lovely compliment!

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