Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Confidence, Friends, Humor, Women | Posted on 18-09-2012

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My good friend invited me out to dinner with two of her friends that I didn’t know. A table for four, please.

I hesitated at first, because my Saturday nights are kinda sacred and are usually spent with my family, a movie, and a giant bowl of popcorn.

One of her friends was a delight. The other was a hater

I wasn’t prepared to spend my free time with a salad, hater on the side. I got flustered.

This one was skinny. Her hair in a sleek bob. Clad in a cashmere sweater, she pursed her lips as she looked me up and down with her x-ray vision.

I was 10 minutes late. I showed up in some dumb chunky sweater. My hair still wet from my shower. The three women were already buddied up in a booth. “A Blue Moon on tap, please,” I sang to the waiter, and squeezed in next to the cashmere-bob-pursed-lips one.

You know the awkward moment when the other women order appetizers as their dinners AFTER you order the Alaskan salmon and mashed potatoes and salad, with ranch dressing please. Yeah that.

My booth buddy (not) ordered an appetizer Caesar salad for her dinner. And couldn’t finish it. (When I told this to my real buddy Scott, @DiaperDads, he tweeted, “I just can’t get past fake-ass personas. Like we don’t know there’s a stop at Dunkin Donuts planned after eating salad.”)

Over dinner, I was explaining a project I was doing at work Miss Cashmere interrupted and sneered, “You WORK??!!”

As if working is a strange, new phenomenon.

“Uh, yeah, you DONT??!!” I wished I had retorted. I usually think of witty comments like two days after the fact.

“Another beer, please,” I nearly pleaded to the waiter.

The sauce on the salmon was delicious. And those mashed potatoes were perfectly buttered and garlicked. I envisioned licking the plate.

When the table got quiet, I felt the need to fill in the quiet with gab. So, I talked about my blog. My kids. My recent clothes purchases and returns. My latest recipe. My silly stories. I blathered. Did Miss Cashmere have any clever stories? No, but she sure seemed interested in putting my stories down.

When it was time to gather our coats and purses, my purse strap got tangled. I yanked it, flinging my purse to the floor, spilling its entire contents. Coins scattered and rolled every which way. Was this a metaphor of how I felt exposed?

Miss Cashmere was quick to smirk and eye roll.

I quickly collected my coins, wallet, receipts, gum, pens, bag of almonds, phone (and my dignity)–and shoved everything back. I smoothed out my chunky sweater over my full belly and gulped down the last of my beer. I stood up straight, smiled a fake smile, and uttered, “It was nice meeting you. Thanks for inviting me.”

I got the hell out of there, relieved to feel the Winter night air cool off my flushed cheeks. And I made it home in time to still score some late-night popcorn.

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Comments (53)

I played pokeno with a group of women for about 12 years. I sat in silence the first few years, listening to their stories, just happy to be out of the house and away from the babies and the chores and my job. As time passed, I felt like such an outsider. Sure, we had kids in common, but nothing else. They were worried about their kids’ private school lunches and which overpriced purse that they wanted from their hubby. I was managing a career and a crumbling marriage to a compulsive gambler. I felt so “less-than” in their presence. I didn’t have much to add to the conversations. My life was full of struggles. Eventually, I left the group. I don’t need anything else to make me feel bad about myself. I can do that on my own. And really, why should I feel bad about being self-sufficient and R-E-A-L. Pass the salmon!

Oh good grief! I feel that if I’m going to spend a night out, it better be a good one. I can’t stand hanging out with people like that. At least you enjoyed your food!!

Oh, I so loved your comment. You could write a blog about that experience!

We shouldn’t feel “less-than” around others, should we? I often wonder why I let myself do that. From the sound of it, I’d have lots to talk to you about. Real stuff.

Thanks again!
Pippi

Here’s my philosophy regarding restaurants: I didn’t cook the food, therefore I absolutely must enjoy whatever I want to eat there. Especially if I am out without children. I also almost always order fish of some sort, so I likely would have had the salmon with you — and I wouldn’t dream of asking you to split it so that my portion was smaller. I’ll fight anyone to the death with my fork if they come between me and perfectly prepared food that I didn’t have to make.

So, I guess I’m saying I’d be your dinner date whenever you’d like! And I’d have helped you pick up your purse stuff without daring to roll my eyes because, dude! I’ve so done that…

Do you know much about drop-kicking? If you don’t, I will teach you, because some people need to be drop-kicked a few times.

well wasn’t that a delightful evening! 🙁
“I usually think of witty comments like two days after the fact.” me too. 🙁

Dude! I am so inviting you to dinner and we’ll stuff our faces with grilled salmon and we’ll eat buttery mashed potatoes and we’ll even get desert. Do you like mud pie?

You have an excellent restaurant philosophy. I don’t go out to restaurants much these days and when I do, I want to enjoy my food and enjoy the people I’m with. And even if I don’t enjoy the people I’m with, I should be able to sit quietly and savor without being freaking attacked! 🙂

XO and Clink!
Pippi

Oh that is exactly what I should have done. Why was I being so dang nice to such a bitch?

Thanks for the LOL!
Pippi

Oh what a nightmare! Life is definitely too short to hang out with people like that. Glad you made it in time for popcorn 😉

Why can’t I be witty and clever on the spot? 🙂

XO,
Pippi

I bet that woman went home thinking “I hate when I go out to dinner with friends & the other girls are SO MUCH more interesting than me. It’s not fair!”

<3

I think “another beer, please” is a great retort.

and people who order app salads as main courses and don’t finish are people who are empty inside.
🙂

I can never figure out why one would agree to go out for lunch and then just sip on an iced-tea and partially graze on some roughage. 😉

Bahahaha! You know, I think you’re right! She probably wrote a blog post called “My Dinner Out with A Rainbow-Infused Woman.”

Poor her…so bland and so mean!

XO for the support and making me LOL!
Pippi

Bahahaha! Love it!

XO,
Pippi

Yeah, I have never been a grazer. More like a wolf-my-food-downer, maybe. 🙂

XO,
Pippi

Yeah, I agree.

And yes, there were four smiling faces waiting for me when I got home. 🙂

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

The food was tasty indeed!

It seems that because I rarely go “out out,” I have developed high expectations. But expecting someone to behave properly doesn’t sound too high, does it?

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

Ugh. I think you had dinner with one of the small-town Facebook phonies we were just chatting about on Twitter.

I don’t care how skinny she is or how much she spent on her bag; she behaved rudely and downright ignorantly.

You handled her with grace and class. She was probably steaming mad that she didn’t get to you — and that you had some actual food for dinner.

Haha, yeah! She’s probably one of those phonies!

If my awkwardness and fumbling = grace and class, then I’ll take it!

XO,
Pippi

Wow, she must be a really sad person. That stinks for her … and for everyone around her too. I always wonder what’s going on with people who act like that. What the heck?

Well, she certainly missed an opportunity to connect with a really cool person… YOU. Don’t even consider changing a thing!

P.S. I love salmon … and if I ever drop my purse around you … I expect you to chuckle with me while I crawl around on the floor and gather up my goods. Life is too short not to laugh.

And you didn’t bitch slap miss cashmere? Good for you.

That would have made for excellent YouTube content!

#missedopportunity

Haha,
Pippi

Let’s change her name to The Big Stink. 🙂

And most certainly, if you drop your purse and spill its contents in my presence, I will crawl around with you!

Dude…we’ve all been there!

XO,
Pippi

Who knew if Kiddie Pool Mommy and Mamarific and I were going to have anything else in common except living in the same city before we met for dinner the first time? KPM is tall and blond and skinny and so pretty, Mamarific is short like me, but blond and skinny and so pretty. There I was 50 pounds over my normal weight after cutting all my hair off—and the three of us had the best time. It’s always such a wonderful surprise when we abandon our families for the night for the right people. At least you know for next time to accept only if Little Miss Sunshine isn’t coming.

Thanks for the story. It was fun to read. mmmsalmonmmmm.

Ah, you bring up some great points! Sometimes you don’t know if you are going to hit it off with a new person until you try. I think what you’re saying is that I need to leave my comfort zone of my popcorn-movie-family nest once in awhile and interact and mingle with other people and sometimes they are Miss Cashmere and sometimes they are Kiddie Pool Mommy and Mamarific (new, great friends), right?

High five for your thought-inspiring comment!
Pippi

I learned a long time ago that people like Ms. Cashmere-bob-pursed-lips are just unhappy and trying to drag others into their pit of despair.

Hear hear! I will not be dragged into her pit! Let her wallow in it herself!

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

Oh, those moments, with THOSE women … my goodness do I feel you … and you just never know when a friend invites you out/over with people you don’t know …

Ugh. Yeah. I hate people like that .When you’ve given up valuable time and get stuck with someone who just treats you like shit, you’re getting doubly cheated.

You’re right. You just never know. I took a chance and, uh, yikes!

Thanks for your comment,
Pippi

It’s certainly not fun being treated like shit, especially when I didn’t even have the chance to order dessert!

XO,
Pippi

Yes, yes, yes. I so know THOSE women. Mostly I think they are not so much mean as they are just hungry. How can you go through life not even finishing an appetizer salad for dinner? Great story!

Yeah, good point, maybe she was starving. She needed some potatoes to fill out that cashmere. 🙂

And thank you!
Pippi

I wonder what was going on with her. It’s nice that you were kind to her, because it’s usually the ones that are hardest to give it to that need it mostest. You pushed her buttons in some way, made her feel insecure and she masked it with her inner snot. I’ve done that. I’ve been the hag at the table because I feel less-than and I’m not always sure why. People can be jerks.

I’m sorry you were on her receiving end. I’m glad you could write about it.

It’s really cute that you sign all of your comments. 🙂

Oh, I hate people like that! They make everything so uncomfortable. You did a really good job of conveying the judgment and awkwardness you felt. I felt it, too, while reading. I almost wish you HAD licked the plate, just to see if her head spun completely around and fell off!

It’s always like that, isn’t it? Whenever the worst people are around, you get just tense enough to do things like drop the contents of your purse or – if you’re me – hit your head off of low-hanging lamps or trip over totally flat surfaces. Sorry your friend has such a twit with them. Boo.

I just love your style of writing. It’s so fun and you tell a great tale.

At least the food was yummy! You totally should have licked that plate, though 🙂

Oh hell no, skinny ass bitch. No, just no no no. I knew you and I could be friends: popcorn, garlicky mashed potatoes. You are my type. And I love Erica M’s comment….next time, it could be a love connection.

She’s the one who’s unhappy. She’s the one with the problem. The whole time, I’m thinking…Pippi is me…

There are more of us than them (working or not, just normal). We need to be who we are and focus on those important to our lives. I actually feel empathy for poor “cashmere lady”.

You needed dessert. She probably needed dessert, too. It takes a lot of energy to be that hostile; maybe that’s why she’s so thin.

First impressions are funny: my daughter told me about a girl she had met at school that she didn’t think she was going to like (one who sounds like your dinner date, only 12 years old), but then they had gym class together. After a few weeks playing volleyball together she said, “I gave her a chance, Mom, and you know what? I really don’t like her!”

At least you got home for popcorn.

I think you’re right. Maybe it was indeed I who made HER feel insecure. What with my intelligence and witty stories and colorful (yikes) sweater and personality. Hahaha!

You made me smile,
Pippi

P.S. Don’t other peeps sign their comments? I feel like I want to/need to because I am truly honored that you took time to comment since we all lead such busy lives. Sigh. 🙂

Bahaha! I think licking the plate would have made her head fall off like a fembot. Good visual!

Thanks for the nice words about conveying awkwardness. I am often a bit dorky in person,
Pippi

I have been known to trip over totally flat surfaces too, though usually it’s carpet. Watch those lamps! Because you’ve got a smart head on those shoulders!

Thanks for writing,
Pippi

I have friends who sign their text messages, too. Sign their comments on FB. And ones who put their names in the subject lines in emails.

All cute.

A little weird, but cute.

You laugh, but I believe you did intimidate her. She was working something out!

Oh, I’m so happy you told me that. You made my night!

You’re right, I should have totally licked that plate. And ordered dessert!

XO,
Pippi

I’m thinking WE may have a love connection!

LOL re: your comment “oh hell no, skinny ass bitch.” It’s so perfectly “ghetto girlfriend” talk. Love it!

High five!
Pippi

Exactly. “We need to be who we are.” Well said. Even if we are (I am) a little dorky and clumsy and ill-dressed. 🙂

Cashmere Lady needs your love because I doubt she has much of that in her life.

XO,
Pippi

Your comment “It takes a lot of energy to be that hostile” made me laugh and also reflect. Whenever I’m pissy or mean, I realize I am expending so much energy. It’s wasteful, really.

I think it’s great that your daughter gave this new friend a chance. But when you’re old like me (!), I don’t have time for that second-chance bullshit.

Haha!
Pippi

My aim is to personalize my comments so everyone is glad they came to PeskyPippi to share their thoughts.

Who signs their text messages??

Haha,
Pippi

salad with hater on the side…cracked me up.

I went to a Ladies Night Out with some gals I’m just starting to get to know. I can’t tell you how many times I tried to tell myself it was find to back out.

I ordered thai grilled salmon and ate every last bite..while many barely finished their salads. Only 2 of the 7 of us WOH. I am so glad I went though b/c we laughed so hard my mouth hurt.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose but you have to keep putting yourself out there.

Yum, that Thai grilled chicken and your company sound delicious!

You are right, you have to keep putting yourself out there. You never know when you’ll meet a new gem for a friend.

Thanks for that reminder!
Pippi

Oh yuck! I hate people like that. I have carefully pared down my friends into groups that I don’t feel at all weird about ordering copious amounts of food and then eating every single bite in front of, or friends who won’t just me when I’m awkward and do goofy stuff. Because that is who I am. I nearly always hate it when I have to meet new people because they might be like salad cashmere lady.

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