Birth Stories (La La La)

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Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Babies, Birth, Children, Friends, Girlfriends, Relationships, Women | Posted on 29-05-2012

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Birth stories (La La La). I’m not listening.

Not because I don’t like pain and contractions and epidurals.

I just don’t want to hear about YOUR labor story or HER labor story. At least, not so much.

I mean, you probably don’t want to hear about MY labor story, right?

It’s like this. You get a group of women together and when one starts talking about HER labor story, the others want to jump in and share their stories. When I was in labor…

“I was 6 centimeters dialated.”

“I had a water birth.”

“I only pushed twice.”

Blah, blah, blah. Then suddenly, everyone is talking at once. And no one is listening to anyone. And then women start trying to top each other with who has the most impressive-scary-wild-amazing birth story.

You nod. You gasp. You sympathize. You oohh and you ahhh. Because, like, that’s what you’re supposed to do when chatting about labor with fellow mothers.

But do you really care about the other woman’s story? No, I didn’t think so. Deep down, you want to tell YOUR story.

So here goes Pippi’s birthing and labor stories in the off-chance you want to hear:

  1. First baby. Was induced. In labor for 20 hours. Had a midwife. No epidural. Wanted one at the last minute, but it was too late. Pushed for 30 minutes. Learned true meaning of “ring of fire.” Baby arrived healthy. Whew.
  2. Second baby. Was induced. Had Mexican food the night before. Mistake. In labor for 14 hours. No epidural. Umbilical cord wrapped around baby’s neck; the nurse told me to to lie down, with minimal movement, for the remainder. Doctor was on her way…running late. The nurse asked me if I could hold the baby in. Are you kidding me?? Pushed for 15 minutes. Baby arrived healthy, despite the cord. Whew.
  3. Third baby. Was induced. In labor for 13 hours. No epidural. It was approaching midnight. Tried so hard not to have an April Fool’s baby. Pushed for five minutes. Baby arrived healthy three minutes after midnight…on April 2. Whew.

Post a comment with your labor story. I would just LOVE to hear it. 🙂

 

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Comments (36)

I don’t understand why women feel the need to blog their birth stories. Do people actually really care? Or read them? I definitely do not. And why do they drag them out into two or three different posts? I like how you summed yours up, but then I had to go puke after seeing the picture.

Hahaha! I think a bullet summarizing the birthing process is sufficient. 🙂 My attention span is pretty short. 🙂

Aren’t you glad I didn’t post the REAL picture of one of my babies crowning? Yikes.

XO,
Pippi

I wanna play!

Baby 1: epidural, episiotomy, born healthy, shaken by stupid babysitter into permanent brain damage at 11 weeks, got her hair cut two weeks ago, so cute!

Baby 2: natural birth, doctor thought I was in false labor, doctor missed delivery, me and head nurse had ourselves a healthy baby, no brain damage, usually acts like the brain-injured one, kinda lazy like his mama.

Baby 3: natural birth, but induced, pitocin is da debil, hurt like hell, born healthy, watches TV late into the night asking for everything on the toy commercials, is now referred to Daddy and Santa for all requested products.

Fun post! Thanks for having me 🙂

But, but, if I’m not allowed to recount my horrific birth stories, next you will tell me you aren’t interested in the strange dream I had last night that has special meaning only to me? Oh phooey.

My labor bullet points:

Baby 1.) Goal: natural water birth at birth center. Reality: Hospital C-section after 26 hours of labor.
Baby 2.) Goal: Planned C-section= no pain, all gain. Reality: 6 hours of barely medicated labor because the hospital “couldn’t find” an OR staff followed by an anesthesiologist who took 45 minutes to place my epidural.

Rather than tell my labor stories, I just like to smile while I listen to mom-to-be tell me all about their air-tight birth plans.

Why am i suddenly compelled to corner you and share every minute detail of each of my birth stories? 🙂

Pippi, love how you bring out the thrill of childbirth. It scares me sh!tless sometimes, but I love seeing the mum’s first embrace of her child. It’s pure love.

With my first my dr. was away so in his place they sent me a 7 foot tall very large man with THE BIGGEST hands in the world. First thing he did was break through the exam glove…and then laughed.

Oh! Do you think that’s funny, big guy, do ya? Well my vagina doesn’t think that’s funny. At all. After those things were up there I’m surprised the baby didn’t just fall out!

And that’s my story…

I LOL’d when you said you were surprised the baby didn’t just fall out! Wouldn’t that be the way to go. Like a trap door that just suddenly opened when ready?

I am grossed out by him breaking the glove.

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

I agree, that first embrace is about the sweetest there is.

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

Doooo it! I can handle it. But just do it in 2-minute bullet points. 🙂

XO,
Pippi

Haha! Yeah, there is no planning in birth. No matter how much of a planner you are.

Ugh. Sorry to hear about your planned C-section gone bad. Sounds horrific. You win for that. 🙂

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

Thanks for swapping stories! I did the Pitocin route for all three births and you’re right…hurt like hell.

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

so mine…went as follows, Went to the bar (there was a band drank orange juice all night long) Water broke as I was leaving…I thought I pee’d myself.
Random stranger told me she was having my labor pains.
I drove myself to the hospital convinced I was having raging asshole back pains.

5.5 hours after i figure I went into labor the midwife starts laying out torture instruments and hits the “Nuclear war” button.

And out shot Girlly like she was a freaking conehead…then she peed on me.

that is true love there

Oh and I told the midwife I’d rip out her throat if she told me “Oh luv it can’t hurt that bad”…bitch that she was

Loved your story…conehead newborn peeing was the best!

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

-curtsy- I loved yours too!

I am so jealous of you pushing for 30 mins or less!
One baby (So far)- in labor about 36 hours, epidural after 12 hours (screw that pain!) Pushed for two hours

My story and your last picture makes me so not want to do it again (although my reward is pretty darn cute)

Thanks, darlin’!

XO,
Pippi

You have one crazy-horrific story! But I hear the labor process gets easier each time. Just think, but your 4th child, your pushing might be down to an hour. Wink.

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

Thanks for sharing your stories. I don’t mind labor stories unless I am due any day and you want to tell me about your horrendous birth that involved ancient medical instruments and lasted 72 hours…why do women love to do that? Anyway, here are my stories…

Baby #1- 22 hours of labor (17 of it at home), epidural and pitocin all resulting in a child who guarantees me a future of parent/teacher conferences.

Baby #2- 4 hours of labor, an all-natural arrival 12 minutes after getting to the hospital, a hyperventilating husband who thought the baby was coming in the car and 12 weeks of physical therapy thanks to my hips being knocked out of joint while pushing.

Childbirth is such an experience- but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

I completely agree; it scares the crap out of me!

“It can’t hurt that bad”? Is she freaking kidding?! I’m with you on ripping out her throat.

Love this post!

1. Water broke, no contractions, Evil Pitocin, decided on epidural after 9 hours, epidural takes 11 tries and 45 minutes during which I went from 4cm to 9cm, 8 minutes of pushing and two episiotomies to deliver son’s bowling ball head.

2. Textbook labor lasting about 7 hours, at hospital for last three (admitted at 2cm, holding baby 3hrs later), nine minutes of pushing, no meds and I felt like I could have run a 5K as soon as she was out. Totally rocked!!!

3. Twins. Baby A’s water broks at 1:30am, packed up kids in van in the pouring rain. Started pitocin at 6:30, got epidural at 7:00 when it was clear that the on-call doc had hands the size of frying pans, despite the epidural I told the nurse I was complete at 11:30am, 11:32am she agreed. Wheeled to OR in case Baby B was distressed. Delivered Baby A after 2 pushes at 11:47am and Baby B at 11:56am after Dr. LargeHands went in up to his forearm TWICE to break B’s water. Thanked all things good and holy for epidural after that experience.

Oh, and I’m from Yeah Write. And I just noticed a typo in my last post — one that makes me look stooopid. Sorry!

And before people throw chairs at me for pushing only twice for one of my twins, she was a wee one (5lbs 8oz) and after delivering my son’s head (it has its own gravitational pull), a VW Beetle could fall outta my girly bits and I’m not sure I’d notice.

Holy birthing stories, Batman! Your baby #2 stories is crazy amazing!

I agree with you. Childbirth is quite the experience and I’m glad I only experienced it 3x. 🙂 Seeing my babies for the first time was heavenly. And worth every contraction.

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

Wow! Sounds like Evil Epidural administrator. Ugh.

Your 2ns sounds golden.

Third deliver? Another wow.

Thanks for sharing! You are amazing!
Pippi

Are you kidding? I’m in awe. Ha, about the VW Beetle visual. #niiiiice

XO,
Pippi

P.S. No more typos thanks to Pippi’s handy-dandy editing skills. 🙂

Oh, please don’t call me amazing — I have long decided that birth is the easy part of raising children. Once they’re out in the open, they’re kind of like gremlins who have eaten after midnight…

Yeah, this parenting thing is scary! We gotta hang on tight and let go at the same time. 🙂

XO,
Pippi

It’s not that bad. Usually under 24 hours. 🙂

You can doooo it!
Pippi

It does hurt. But it’s over pretty quickly in the grand scheme of life and all.

Ha ha,
Pippi

My wife had a scheduled C-Section and never had a contraction. It didn’t hurt (me) one bit.

Haha! What a dude!

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

I am the odd duck that LOVES birth stories!
I actually posted the story of my second delivery at the request of a few friends. Mostly because it was hilarious and any story that has me walking out of the house without pants on is worth telling.
Apparently.

I enjoyed your post, and definitely like the bullet point birth stories too. Definitely easier to read! 🙂

I want to read your post. Sounds funny!

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

1. First baby. Had midwives, prepared for all natural birth. One week before due date got a high fever. Midwives couldn’t get fever down. 5 hours later: c-section.
2. Second baby. Was told v-bac too dangerous. Had planned c-section.
3. Third baby. Said no to planned c-section, didn’t see why my body couldn’t do a natural birth. Labored at home for 36 hours with midwives. Got to fully dilated. Water broke. After 3 hours of pushing cervix not fully dilated. At all. Said fuck this. C-section. Again.

🙂

I was so bummed to read that you had to have a C-section for your third. After all that laboring and pushing. You were robbed.

Thanks for sharing!
Pippi

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