I Like Big Food

22

Posted by peskypippi | Posted in Celebrations, Food, Humor, Marriage, Memories, Relationships | Posted on 24-05-2012

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Never look a gift horse card in the mouth.

Someone gave my husband a $100 gift card to fancy schmancy restaurant. Not a chain restaurant. And definitely a no-kids-menu restaurant.

It was a teensy tiny place with white table cloths and candles. With a menu written in calligraphy.

Date night! We had big plans of ordering tons of drinks. Tons of apps. Tons of food. Tons of dessert.

I even wore something with a little elastic around the waist to account for expansion.

But whaddya know. After scanning the menu–gulp–prices were so high, our visions of drinks and apps sorta dissipated. Even with the $100 gift card.

“We’re fine with water,” I told the waiter.

I ordered the mushroom ravioli with cream sauce. And my husband ordered the chicken with pesto and pine nuts.

No apps. No extra drinks. Face it. We’re kinda cheap when it comes to restaurants. I mean, we’ll spring on beers and a pile of nachos as big as your Grandfather’s Chevy any day.

What can I say? I like big food. (I also like Sir Mix-a-Lot’s I Like Big Butts song…)

The salads arrived. Nothing special. Just your typical grass-and-weed mix. Crunch. Crunch.

Then the main course. And it looked like this.

I’m not kidding you. I thought I ordered RAVIOLIS. As in a huge pile of them. I felt like the giant in Jack and The Beanstalk eating a pea. What is UP with the ginormous plate and the itty-bitty food that cost as much as my winter parka

Do you take your knife and fork and slice up the one freaking ravioli?

And you won’t catch me offering, “Here honey, try some of mine.”

My husband’s meal was just as comical. He’s a big guy. Like NFL-quarterback big. You can’t fool him with the sauce drizzled in a spirograph pattern, creating an optical illusion.

We finished our dinner snack in about 8 minutes. Taking little bites and drinking lots of water.

The check came. That was that. We shelled out $20 of our OWN money for a tip. And left with our tummies grumbling.

Then we hightailed it Burger King for dinner #2.

 

giant plants. small portions. kaching.

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Comments (22)

I never understood the idea of fancy places charging so much money for such alittle tiny portion of food.

That’s just crazy… I know there are people who insist on going to places where they can comfortably eat with their noses in the air and pinkies fully extended but I just can’t fathom there would be enough of them to keep a place like that in business!

I once made the HUGE mistake of taking clients out to one of these types of restaurants. One of they guys sounds like he was built like your husband. I knew I was in trouble when the app came out and it was AIR in the form of foam. It was stuffed into an egg…shell. No eggwhite, no yolk to eat. Just a eggshell (must have popped out a little hummingbird) and a tiny spoonful of foam.
I felt so bad, I told the guy to order two entrees. The bill? $950 for four people.
Oh, yeah… and the client brought wine from his personal cellar. I only had to pay corkage fee.
I thought I was going to die.

I like big portions of good-enough food. 🙂

XO,
Pippi

I can appreciate a gourmet meal but I’m fine with a tuna sandwich too. 🙂

Thanks for writing,
Pippi

OMG! You crack me up about the hummingbird reference (ha, I said crack and it was about eggs).

Sounds like you had to eat the bill but didn’t get much to eat either.

Burger King anyone?

Thanks for your comment!
Pippi

I find fancy restaurants play with your food too much, more interested in it looking pretty than with filling you up.

Yeah, all looks. I’m a substance kind of person. In food and real life. 🙂

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

I like big food too. I want to move to Texas and eat big food all the time.

Yum! Big food on little plates!

XO,
Pippi

This was TOO FUNNY! Had a similar experience at Tommy Bahamas’s restaurant. I ordered the tortilla soup and it arrived in “bowl” slightly larger than a thimble. We had a good laugh. Afterwards, we went out for burgers. Keep the stories coming! 🙂

And was you soup like $12? Nothing like going out to dinner after dinner. 🙂

Thanks for your story as well!
Pippi

I can just picture the look on Mr. Pippi’s face when his tiny entree arrived! 🙂

Bahaha! Yeah. I like big food. And he likes even bigger food. 🙂

XO,
Pippi

We went to one of these restaurants once. Once was enough. They did not even have salt and pepper on the table. The premise being their food was so spectacular you wouldn’t need it. I prefer big food too, and one little ole ravioli is not going to cut it.

I am at a stage in life where:

– if the restaurant does not offer real food (not mini food)

– if the waiter gives me A LOOK because I am using their Groupon

I cannot be held responsible when my predator drone makes a surprise crash landing in said restaurant after I leave.

Look I like to eat. I ENJOY eating. I can make *A* ravioli at home. What was in it, white truffles? It better have been AMAZING.

There would be zero chance I’d be headed back to that restaurant ever.

I would’ve eaten just a nibble & asked the waiter for a doggy bag.

Maybe you should have put your ravioli IN your water. It could be one of those “grows up to 500% its original size!” toys.

If they don’t have salt and pepper on the table, better not ask for ketchup then!

I like Italian restaurants where a plate full of ravioli is the first course. 🙂

Thanks for writing!
Pippi

Yeah, no kidding. Note to the wait staff: 1) If I am using a Groupon, do not give me the stink eye and 2) Don’t pretend that you made that food yourself.

Thanks for your comment!
Pippi

I like to eat and I enjoy eating too. I also enjoy eating more than one ravioli. 🙂 It was lobster and it was heavenly. But too tiny. Darn, why didn’t they, like, spawn or something?

Ha ha,
Pippi

Yeah, I should’ve asked for a doggy bag. Perfect!

I KNOW those things that grow 500%! Like those dinosaur-shaped sponges? LOL.

XO,
Pippi

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